going back

i m going back to gujarat.. after a month in delhi.. it seems i was on a yr long vacation...didnt get to meet my mom.. she being occupied wid her stuff.. but i m a grown up daughter.. i understd.. how mom must be feeling that she cudnt meet me... missing mom terribly...

mom called up up yesterday and was like "beta! i m sorry i cudnt make it.. everyone is saying.. wat kinda mom u r.. ur daughter is thr.. and u are not going to meet her" i told mom "mom dont listen to anyone,i have no issues..i m a part of u..just walking outside ur body"..

everytime i go back to my ''sasural' i get terrible goosebumps.. it seems as if i m going thr for the first time.. i hve almost forgotten which thg is lying whr.. i wonder do i still know how to make a cup of tea.. m i ready to wake up by 7 again... and be alert all the time.. all set to take up my doorkeepers duty... Gosh! its pissing me off...

a check list

1.hair dryer- check

2.sandals- check

3. shampoos and conditioners - check

4.tickets- check

5. gifts- check

6. cell charger- check

7.myself- CHECK

wat is it about love.. saying it ten times in a day?? may be??

ever tried to force someone to love u.. ever tried to love someone forcibly..

ever tried to do a love drenched gesture without a drop of love in it....

sitting back and making one understd.. that look...u have to love.. its thr.. if its thr... does love come wid the 'entitled' relationships...or relationships come out of love...

u love someone coz' of the named relationships u share...or is it vice versa.. is it like u share a relationship coz' u love...

its instant..is it..

or conceived on the minds and then executed...

ready wid a check list??

check

check

check

////enter...

operation terminated....

not that i dont understd thgs... but i prefer to keep mum.. coz it hurts otherwise..its like i look dumb.. or ppl assume that i m .. or may be i show such traits... if u r good.. that certainly means fishy...is it?? or if u r not.. than definitely u r a vamp... may be i have not that great luck... that to make a fool out of me is not that difficult... to that my brother says why do u have to talk to anyone...why u want to be kicked..but can i stay as an alien.. he says try finding a middle way.. make frds,talk to them but to an extent... but is it like frdships r bound under any conditions... lately i m not making frds.. and lifes going ok.. the only instruction i get is it to grow up.. but is growing up means to be bitchy... husband (its been three years,but everytime i use this wrd 'husband' i feel weird-somewat i think i m still in class 12) got a very different ideology wid life.. he got a very suspicous nature... "if someone is doing good to u... thr must be some reason..try to find out.. if thr is not.. good..enjoy".... but i come from a different school of thoughts... my being "why to think.. if someone is trying to be smart wid u..let it be...anyways u cant do anythg bout thr smartness.." but i know my closeones r worried for me... coz i know they dont want to see me sad.. specially my brother...since he knows me in and out... "why r u always being kicked..and how many times do u want that,,why do u have to be 'Urself' wid everyone...",...but can have different facets ..no answer to this... i always say just one thg...

any mess or scuffle at the playground,never stopped me from going back again the next evening to play... life moves on... smarter ppl learn from thr mistakes... but i m fine the way it shapes for me.. not learning is absolutely ok wid me... got a tiny brain..cant mess it up wid permutations and combinations of judging ppl.. cant even give it a storage for incidents to get imprinted...

may be now i m just too scared...i m scared not just to mention it.. but i m actually scared..

I was stuck...

i was stuck... God!!. plz dont get me into such situations hereafter.. went for the class... it from 6.. it takes like an hr from whr i stay..class got over by 8.. but i wanted to talk to the sir.. so it left at 8 30.. since it was my first day so i didnt take my car... rather i went by an auto.. so that i ll get hold of the way..

but now i was stuck... no auto was thr.. and it was gettign scary.. i was even ready to travel by bus,, but i didnt know which bus goes to my place. i marched like 2 kms in search of an auto... i have never done ths.. but i even waved hand for a lift...i know its not safe.. but i had just no option.. i didnt even bother to make a call to my husband or brother.. they were calling.. finally i stopped patrolling gypsy...i asked for a lift.. but they said we are not going thr... one of my frd stays thr.. i even thought to go to her place.. and call bhai to pick me up.. but i was trying really hard..i was almost bout to cry... but i kept my fingers crossed.. and i was praying continuously 'ma plz send an auto wala..me getting late..'

finally i got an auto.. he asked for 150 bucks.. but as per meter its 95.. but i was like take 200 but drp me off...

reached home at 9:45... bhai said.. enuf of ur such trials... no more "i m the bond" thg... go wid the driver... though i nodded.. but i dont think i will ;-) ... feeling a lot uneasy...that side of delhi is way different from whr i stay.... dont want such a mess again.. Ma plz take care of me.. ma plz grant me a peaceful sleep... tomorrows class at 8 in the morning at a different place...its much more far.. got to sleep...need to wake up at 6...

man proposes..god disposes

every time i try and answer wid all my wits and brains i never talk sense..specially wid her (college senior cum mentor cum elder sis wont say frd.) ... she asks me the most simplest questions but i go complete nuts.. so finally i told her 'mam (thats wat we used to call our seniors ) dont ask me such questions,ask anyone else but not me,i m not that capable of answering ur quiries' specially those life related ones..

wen someone u look upto turns to u for an answer ,thgs get difficult..atleast for me..

she popped up wid a sensible question but i was giving all the dumb answers.. she asked me to hang up for a minute so that she can buy somethg.. by that time i prayed to shri mataji ,that why is she behaving like that.. why is she talking questions wid me.. after my conversation started i dragged to another level (tha suited my brain).. but i dont know how i started talking sense.. and as per her i gave all the answers..

the best way to live life..is to stop wasting time in analysing... analysing anythg for that matter ..let it be relationships.,conversations,money,anythg .. not to plan out thgs is the best way to free ur mind... let the mind relaz for sometime.. why plan... it always been like that.. man proposes.. god disposes... .

lovin it!

went for an exotic lunch..

bought sexy pair of shades..

and a hair wash...

yippiee!!!

youuhooo!!!!

(cudnt drive..unless i get the number tatooed..)

any guesses??

any guesses...wat dis cud be??